I haven't written to you all since last month! It's been so long, come and settle down with me now and let's welcome June! Yes, ok it's the month of that election but just think, it'll be over soon and then everyone can then finally put their politics degrees away!
ANYWAY, enough of that. I've been waiting for June for AGES as it is jam-packed with fun, excitement and new activities I may just pop....or collapse at the end of the month with self-induced exhaustion. Either way, I'll be a very busy bee and I can't wait for it all to kick off on Monday! I'll fully acquaint you will my itinerary a bit later on, so hang in there.
You may have noticed I was absent from the blogosphere yesterday. This was because I was at a comedy night at The Aristocrat pub in Aylesbury (for the locals, it's on the gyratory by the Shensha curry house). I was persuaded to attend by my mum who had seen similar acts on at another venue in Aylesbury and thought I'd enjoy it. I have a very dark, dry sense of humour; I take an interest in death so it kinda comes as a package deal. I laugh at many things others wouldn't dream of laughing at. We arrived at the pub a little too early so we enjoyed the remainder of the sunshine out in the beer garden while we waited.
Soon it was comedy time and we found a seat and settled down for the start with a few drinks. The compere introduced the show and warmed us up with comical anecdotes about service station prices and the thrills that come from being a school teacher. It was a good start to a line up of a healthy variety of comic styles.
The opening act came from Scotsman, Gary who delivered an entertaining set mocking his Glaswegian heritage and exchanging funny banter with the audience.
The second act was one of my favourites and came from a guy called Sean. Immediately from his stage presence and deprecating welcome to the audience, he seemed like a cross between Milton Jones and Jack Dee. Self-deprecating, dry humour with a bitter twist of comic darkness. I knew I was going to like him. There is always something oddly charming- and indeed funnier- about someone who can laugh at themselves and through a mix of observational comedy and anecdotes from his own awkward experiences, in his case, with the ladies, he proved quite a funny act.
After a 20 minute interlude came my favourite act of the night. Philfy Phil. As the name implies, his comedy is far from clean fun. Armed with his guitar, he delivered his comedy in a musical fashion- and it really worked well. His USP was offering the audience one simple question: higher or lower. He would give us an opening number and we as the audience then decided (after the count of 3) whether we wanted the tone lower or higher. No prizes for guessing what I was asking for! Being a fan of the darker shade of comedy, I delight in seeing how far comedians push beyond socially accepted boundaries on humour and Philfy Phil was going to push those exact boundaries. His second song definitely lowered the tone as he sung about having a pound sign tattooed on his penis (he loved playing with his money, he loved to watch it grow and he liked the feel of it in his hands.)
Again, he asked the higher or lower question- LOWER shouted the audience.
He was then at a moral dilemma as his next song was apparently too low (such a shame) so he settled on a middle ground. This manifested in a song about a miniature Jesus butt plug....that would often get shit-faced and would offer the wearer a holy exclamation as they pooped.
The last round now: Higher or lower? LOWER!
Then came the golden moment, his swansong. A song about breast surgery. To the tune of a much loved Beauty and the Beast classic. First of all I invite you to reacquaint yourself with the tune of 'Be Our Guest'....are you humming it? Good. Ok, now with that tune, replace the 'Be Our Guest' lyrics with 'See Your Beasts' and you can imagine the laughs that got from the audience. Overall his act worked really well and his unique comic set proved a recipe for success and all round laughs.
Now you may remember from earlier that I was going to tell you my itinerary for June so here goes! (I'll bullet point as it'll make for an easier read)
- Somerset with Matthew (5-8th June): So from next week I will be exploring the South-Western county of Somerset with my beloved Matthew. We aim to explore Cheddar Gorge and spend the day travelling along the West Somerset Railway- the longest heritage railway in England among other touristy things. We will be staying at Donniford Bay which as it turns out is a bit far out from everything so it's lucky we have the car. Lets hope it stays nice and sunny!
- Evanescence at The Hammersmith Apollo and London gallivanting (14-17th June): Yes, Evanescence are back! I remember absolutely murdering 'Bring Me to Life' in my room on Singstar as a kid and unfortunately for everyone in ear-shot, I will be murdering it again soon. Evanescence are Matthew's favourite band and he's always said he wanted to see them if they ever toured in the UK. As a lucky coincidence, earlier this year I got an email to this sentiment; Evanescence were back after 11 years! I immediately joined the virtual queue to buy them, hiding the tab from the boss at work, and after a long time keeping it a secret from Matthew, I earned a gazillion brownie points when all was revealed. As well as seeing Evanescence, we have planned to go to the Sky Garden near St Pauls, visit the London Eye (in my opinion, they're similar but I'm humouring Matthew on this one), take a cruise along the Thames and we may also visit the London Dungeons. I've always been skeptical as people jumping out at me has never been my fave, as my best friend Jade will tell you, but I like the gore and the horror of history so I'm going to go for that. Talking of Jade, we're hoping to meet up with her for dinner on the Friday evening. Jade hasn't met Matthew yet so it'll be interesting and fun!
- London with my friend and meeting his American (25th June): I'll be in London again this weekend to spend the day with my friend Ahsaan and his girlfriend who is from Florida, USA! Ahsaan has spoken about her a lot and I'll finally be able to meet her! I find the prospect of having an American friend very exciting! This trip to London will offer me a chance to flex my tour guide muscles. I've been charged with the duty of guiding them both round and as his American lady is not familiar with London and it's...quirks, I thought I'd orchestrate a day that crammed in as much Britishness as possible....with maybe a dash of the familiar US customs.
- Adele concert at Wembley (28-29th June): Yes, I am in London again, but this time I'm with my mum and we're going to see the biggest female artist in the world: Adele....well it depends on your musical tastes. We'll be singing 'Hello' to her from the grassy standing areas among thousands of other fans. With big acts, the atmosphere around arenas can be electric so I'm looking forward to seeing her and listening to those stunning vocal chords of hers at work in the flesh. However standing for two hours may be painful- comfy shoes will be worn here!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand breathe! As you can see from that list, I have a very busy month ahead, but as you can probably tell, it's going to be very exciting too. It all kicks off Monday and you might have already guessed, but I may not be able to blog as much this month as I'd like to but I promise to come back to you when I can and to of course do a highlights blog at the end of the month! If you want you can follow me on Instagram (uliejb) and Snapchat (uliej).
Follow me if you wish and I'll update you as and when with my gallivanting and I will be back blogging very soon (hopefully). So with that I wish you all a happy June!
Bbye for now!
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