So, first let’s talk furlough. I wasn’t one of those that conquered everything 5 times over. Instead, I went for lots of walks, battled a bit with the mental torment that comes with a lack of purpose, watched way too much Youtube and probably ate more than I should’ve done. I did also do a Google digital marketing course which was good to get my brain in gear and refresh and learn more about the industry I work in. Furlough was truly a mixed bag. I missed the adrenaline rush of having a work deadline or trying to get to the bottom of an issue until I found the answer, but with hindsight I’d also say that having the break was like pushing the reset button. Getting “the call”- or should I say “the text” gave me a little pit in my stomach. A pit of mixed emotions. Firstly, my immediate emotion was sadness at it being over. My 4 months of freedom (well as much as you can have COVID permitting) was over; the mid-morning walks, the afternoon film/TV catch ups, the countless Youtube binges and playing PS4 and XBOX. Then the second emotion came which got worse as my return day approached- nervousness. While I had 4 months of “freedom” without work in my life, at the same time I’d also missed out on the internal workings of my company for those 4 months too. I’d lost track of my “to-do list” and I even doubted what my post lockdown work purpose would be. I started to wonder how I’d fit back in and whether I’d be any good. But then to try and combat that worry, I tried to think to myself how grateful I was to A. still have a job, and B. to now have something constructive to do with my day. It was at that point that the 3rd emotion came in- happiness.
Thursday soon came around and I found the worry come back as I switched on my work laptop and waited to see who else was back at work and what my tasks would be. I wasn’t given a handover and I wasn’t even told who was still working from each team, so I immediately got to saying hello to my colleagues and finding out what was what and soon enough I was finding my rhythm. People were glad to see me back and that made the fear subside. No matter what anyone says, the feeling of being needed or wanted brings a spark of happiness, of satisfaction and I rode that train right on until 5pm. I was tired at the end of the day but then the next day was Friday so I couldn’t really complain! Next week will be the real test!
My first weekend post-furlough was spent with family. Me and Matthew went to see my nan yesterday and took her out to the shops and for lunch. It was the first time I’d seen my nan before lockdown, and it was also the first time we’d gone to the shops and to a pub. We wouldn’t have normally gone out to that extent, but as it was to get my nan out and to make sure she had a good meal that day, it was worth it. We obviously took every precaution laid out in regard to going to those types of places.
I’ll give you a little context with my nan. She’s recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and between the family we like to keep an eye on her and take her out and about as she still lives alone. As she and a few other of my family members live in Northampton, inevitably those that live closer to her have seen her and dealt with her more on a day to day basis, but my mum goes when she can, and I like to see her regularly too.
It’s always nice to see my nan. When we arrived, she was up and raring to go. She seemed in good spirits and it was great to see. She’s still in the early stages of the disease so she can remember and do some things for herself, but for others she needs additional carers who come in daily. Many of my childhood memories are based around the Northampton area from visiting family as a child, and my nan has always been in the close family group. One of the many memories I have being at my nan’s flat as a child was being 7 years old holding my then baby cousin Jessica. I was so nervous of dropping her or letting her head hang perilously off my lap. I also remember when my uncle, James fell through a dining room chair and we all cried with laughter. Add to that the Christmas dinners we all had wearing silly paper hats and reading out the jokes, the Pocahontas cup I always drunk out of (which is still on her kitchen side btw!) and you have nostalgia at it’s best. When we got back from town, I showed nan the wonders of a video call with my mum and she was so happy and genuinely amazed at how it worked. It’s that sweet naivety that brings a lump to my throat and makes me pine for the old days when everything was new and fascinating. I also showed Matthew the pictures of the family nan had on her shelves. I love sharing memories of old times and being surrounded by nostalgia- I guess it comes with the territory of loving history. After visiting nan, we went to see my uncle, auntie, cousin and their cat and had dinner and a chat which was really nice too (and it was good to finally meet the cat, Gatsby!)
On the drive home while I felt tired, I felt a sense of fulfilment. I was glad to see nan was well and she’d eaten and was pleased to have us over to visit. I was also glad to just have a family orientated day. Days like that make me so happy and make me look forward to when me and Matthew have our own children and they can sit on my nan's knee and meet the family too. Even the thought of that brings a tear to my eye- I’m a soppy sausage! I’ve always had this vision of my nan meeting my child one day and having a picture of them with me and my mum- 4 generations in one picture….
Anyway, that’s enough reminiscing for one day. Matthew is cooking one of his to-die-for roasts and the smell of roast chicken is creeping up the stairs luring me down, so I’m going to go and join him. Until next time, have a good week ahead whatever you’re doing.
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